Conscious Self
What you know about yourself and are ready to say out loud. The first of six phenomenological uploads.
What will you do now
You are preparing for the first of six phenomenological uploads.
This upload is about the Conscious Self. This is the topmost and most illuminated layer of your mental self.. What you know about yourself and are ready to say out loud. Who do you think you are. How do you see yourself. How you describe yourself to others and to yourself.
This is not a questionnaire or a test. This is not a psychological interview. This is a phenomenological download - a method of obtaining primary data about how exactly you construct an idea of yourself. Your words, your wording, your order - all this is information.
What is the Conscious Self from a scientific point of view?
In cognitive psychology, this is called explicit self-esteem - a conscious, declared idea of oneself. This is what a person can formulate in words when asked who he is.
Research shows that the explicit self is formed through three sources.. The first is direct reflection: what do you think about yourself?. The second is a reflected assessment: who significant people around you think you are, and how you learned it. The third is social comparison: how you compare yourself to others.
The problem is that all three sources contain distortion. Direct reflection is limited - we do not see ourselves as a whole. Reflected evaluation includes projections of others that we have accepted as our own.. Social comparison is always selective.
As a result, the Conscious Self is not an accurate picture of who you are.. This is a working version. The map you use to navigate every day. And like any map, it is accurate in some places and contains blank spots in others.
The purpose of this upload is to capture this map as completely as possible.. Don't fix it. Do not rate. Just pull out everything that is in it.
Why is it important to start with this layer?
The conscious self is the baseline.
When in subsequent uploads you talk about implicit patterns, about social roles, about historical experience - all this will be compared with what you said here. It is the discrepancies between the layers that provide the most valuable information.
If you consciously consider yourself a confident person, but implicitly always give in to conflict, this is a discrepancy. If you describe yourself as independent, but historically every important decision was made under the influence of someone else, this is a discrepancy. These points are not flaws. These are places where your map doesn't match the territory. And that is where the potential for change lies.
But first you need the map itself. Pure, without interpretation. This is what you are creating now.
What happens to the brain during this unloading?
When you talk about yourself out loud continuously, the medial prefrontal cortex is activated.. This is the zone that is responsible specifically for self-reference - processing information about oneself. fMRI studies show that it works differently when a person is thinking about himself compared to when he is thinking about others.
At the same time, the posterior cingulate cortex is activated - it is associated with autobiographical memory and self-esteem. It is she who gives access to memories that form the idea of oneself.
An important point: when a person speaks without stopping for several minutes, the activity of the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex decreases. This is a zone of control, planning and social filter. Roughly speaking, the censor turns off. What comes out after several minutes of continuous speech is less edited and more accurately reflects the real structure of ideas about oneself.
That is why this unloading cannot be stopped.
How does this compare to other traditions?
In narrative psychology Dan McAdams identity is the story a person tells about himself. This story doesn't just describe who he is - it constitutes him.. That is, when you talk about yourself, you not only describe - you actively construct your Self at this moment.
In phenomenology For Husserl and Merleau-Ponty, direct experience is primary - how things appear to consciousness before any theoretical interpretation. Phenomenological unloading follows this principle: not what is right to think about yourself, but what is actually present in your experience of yourself right now.
In zen buddhism There is a practice called mokkusho - silent illumination.. But before entering into silence, the practitioner must see the contents of the mind. First - a complete inventory. Then - letting go. This unloading is an inventory of the Conscious Self.
In ontopsychology Meneghetti distinguished between the self-image - the socially constructed version of oneself - and the deep semantic field - the true nature of a person. The work begins with seeing the image of the Self in its entirety.. You can't get out of a trap you can't see.
Practical instructions
You need at least 20 minutes without interruptions. Phone in silent mode. The door is closed. Water is nearby.
Make sure the recording is turned on before you start listening to the audio.. Make sure there is space for recording.
Not lying down - sitting. The back is straight, but not tense. Feet on the floor.
Don't think in advance what you will say. The less prepared you are, the more honest the unloading.
What to do during unloading
Talk nonstop. This is the main rule. Don't look for the right answer - say what comes first. Don't judge what comes out. Don't edit.
When it seems that everything has already been said, continue. Wait a few seconds and talk further. It is beyond this point - behind the feeling that you have said everything - that what usually remains inside begins.
The voice in the audio will throw up the next corner when you stop talking.. Don't stop at these words - just use them as a boost and keep talking.
When the voice says stop, you stop.. There will be a pause. Just sit. Don't analyze what you said. Then - the second unloading.
What happens after
Your recording will be transcribed and analyzed along with the other five uploads. AI will find patterns that are not visible from the inside - recurring themes, characteristic wording, narrative structure, emotional tone.
This will become the first layer of your personal report.
But that's later. Now there is one task. Speak. Honestly. Non-stop. Everything there is about who you are and how you see yourself.